Disclaimer: This column is satire. Dear UNM Administrators, Mike Locksley and message board bloggers: Season’s greetings from your sports editor at the Daily Lobo.It’s been a tumultuous year filled with embarrassment, angst and disappointment. Understandably, at this point, it’s safe to assume that I’m not your favorite person to interact with.
All Adam Watson wanted for Christmas was his transfer release from the Lobo football team. Until Sunday, Watson’s wish was in jeopardy of not being granted. The former UNM freshman wide receiver, who redshirted this year, was earlier reported to be transferring to play football at another school.
Opposites might attract, but it was fatal attraction for the UNM football team and head coach Mike Locksley when the Lobos faced TCU on Saturday. The Horned Frogs (12-0 overall, 8-0 in the MWC), at the other end of the spectrum record-wise, trounced the Lobos (1-11 overall, 1-7 in the MWC), 51-10, in Fort Worth, Texas, capturing the Mountain West Conference championship outright and getting a bid for a Bowl Championship Series game.
Boom. Boom. Boom. Let me hear you say Aho! A name scorned last week is now celebrated. A 27-yard field goal in the waning seconds of the Colorado State game may overshadow any sour memory fans had about kicker James Aho.
Curse ye, Colorado State. Curse ye, for ruining the UNM football team’s quest for imperfection. The Rams, entering Saturday’s contest riding a seven-game losing streak — outdone only by the Lobos, who had lost 14 consecutive games dating back to last year — looked like they had swapped uniforms with UNM at University Stadium. (Note to Athletics Director Paul Krebs: This slim 29-27 win for the Lobos doesn’t merit a contract extension for Locksley.
Certain things weren’t meant to be set in stone. For example, an 0-12 season for the UNM football team.
Mike Locksley has battled on the football field for 20-plus years, but nothing could prepare him for the news that his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Locksley’s mother, Venita Locksley, a fighter, survived breast cancer.
Week in, week out, the media continues to put a quarter in that old Locks’ jukebox. And why not, when it plays such lyrical prose, such melodic, sweet-sounding music? If the head coaching gig doesn’t work out, Mike Locksley should consider becoming a motivational speaker. To his credit, if there’s one thing Locksley and his players have learned how to do over the course of this season, it’s to linguistically sweeten the tart. So much so, in fact, that should the Lobos go 0-12, Locksley, please mull over giving the eulogy at UNM’s season-ending memorial service. Figuratively, Locksley was planning on winning a game this year.
The Graduate and Professional Students Association will meet next week to discuss a no-confidence vote in Vice President of Athletics Paul Krebs. All graduate students are invited to attend the meeting in the SUB on Monday.
Mike Locksley may just have an undiagnosed case of dissociative amnesia. The same could be said of the UNM football team. Neither Locksley nor defensive end Jaymar Latchison can recall the Lobos’ series record against BYU: 43-14-1. Curiously, Locksley rapidly rattled off a barrage of statistics during Tuesday’s weekly media luncheon. But when it came to the Lobos’ record against ranked BYU squads, Locksley conveniently skipped over it, until a reporter brought it to his attention. “I like to have selective memory when it comes to negative things, for the most part,” he said. He kind of has to, since UNM, when facing the Cougars while ranked, has managed just an anemic 1-15 record.
UNM President David Schmidly is recommending changes in Human Resources and University Counsel policies in light of the media outcry after head football coach Mike Locksley’s Sept. 20 physical altercation and the investigation that followed. Schmidly sent a letter to Athletics Director Paul Krebs recommending that the HR representative in the Athletics Department report to the University’s Division of Human Resources.
Fact: The UNM football team is 0-9, and it’s not fine. Solution: Well, other than consider scheduling YAFL teams, there might not be one. Unfortunately for the Lobos, their final three games don’t get any easier.
Straight from UNM President David Schmidly: The University of New Mexico “bungled” its investigation into the Sept. 20 physical altercation between first-year head coach Mike Locksley and former wide receivers coach J.B. Gerald. Flanked on the right by Athletics Director Paul Krebs and on the left by Vice President of Human Resources Helen Gonzales, Schmidly repeatedly denied that the University concealed any findings of its investigation.
J.B. Gerald, the Lobos’ former wide receivers’ coach, said he had faith that the University would expose the truth at the conclusion of its investigation into a Sept. 20 physical altercation between him and head coach Mike Locksley. But during a 50-minute interview with the Daily Lobo on Saturday, Gerald said it became increasingly apparent throughout the process that the University wasn’t concerned with determining exactly what happened that day.
The UNM football team put up 20 points against San Diego State, the second highest output for the Lobos this season. And to think, it was on former head coach Rocky Long, now San Diego State defensive coordinator.
No, it’s not the “Return of the Mack,” the hit 90s song by Mark Morrison — it’s just the return of UNM’s head football coach, Mike Locksley, to a 0-7 team. After a 10-day suspension for being involved in a physical altercation with assistant coach J.B.
All preliminary evidence points to one thing: Right now, the UNM football team is as malleable as soft-serve. It’s too bad the Lobos don’t play on Sunday, because they would go well with hot fudge.
Subtracting head coach Mike Locksley from the mix didn’t add up to a win for the UNM football team.
UNM interim head coach George Barlow said he is going to do everything in his power to help the UNM football team get the first win of the season against UNLV. And that could include gambling early. “I can’t say I won’t go for it on fourth down,” he said.
Solutions by The State News
