The University of New Mexico has unveiled a new infrastructure plan in which Science Technology Engineering and Math (STEM) buildings will float a mile above ground and humanities buildings will be relocated to underground tunnels to shield students from the STEM jet flames.
“STEM subjects are the future and we need to show our support for our STEM students by giving them an educational experience with state of the art technology: jetpacks,” UNM President Garnett Stokes said. ”We must also, as the flagship university of the state, demonstrate a decisive superiority over New Mexico State University.”
The decision to place the social sciences, fine arts and music departments into the tunnel system came from a need to protect students and faculty members from consistent exposure to the heat produced by the floating STEM buildings, Stokes said.
“We literally just wanted free parking,” Ruppert Dillon, a UNM environmental science student, said.
STEM students are now required to purchase jetpacks to make their way to classes, according to the University's press release. This has led to substantial tuition increases, as discussed in a recent Board of Regents meeting.
“As if being pre-med wasn’t expensive enough,” Aihait Lhabs, a biology major, said.
The New Mexico State Capitol agreed to fund the plan because it could bring significant amounts of tourism.
“These floating STEM buildings can drive tourism to New Mexico and increase enrollment at UNM. The tour groups are going to love this,” Riley Kappa, New Mexico state senator, said.
The Farris Engineering Center was the first to benefit from the renovations. The eyesore of a building is now levitating on a circular hunk of metal with blue flames emanating from the bottom. The Physics & Astronomy and Interdisciplinary Science building is the next to follow, the University announced in its press release.
“We have been imprisoned for our choices,” Duncan Renold, a faculty member from the English department, said.
Students flying down from the engineering area of campus to the Student Union Building has become a common sight.
There are also new spare jetpack stations where non-STEM students can rent jetpacks with their UNM ID to get to gen-ed classes or advising appointments.
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Duz Entshawar, a computer science student, said he enjoys using the jetpacks.
“I mean, I like pretending that I’m Iron Man. It brings me closer to the future I envision for myself. Maybe if I pass all my classes, I’ll eventually become a billionaire inventor superhero too,” Entshawar said.
Noah Ital, a second year political science major, appeared to have an opinion on the renovations and begged for a chance to comment.
“Well I think that–” Ital said, but this was all we were able to get before the sound of the jetpacks drowned him out.
Some parties on campus voiced environmental concerns, including environmental science students.
“I’m not a sustainability expert yet, but I don’t think using jet fuel to get to class every day is very sustainable,” Dillon said.
Protests by environmental science students and faculty have been chalked up to jealousy, according to Stokes.
Oil companies have come out in support of the decision.
Sandia National Laboratories has declined to respond to requests for comment.
Music students said they haven’t really noticed any changes, stating that the tunnels feel exactly like the basements of Popejoy Hall. There is minimal ventilation in the tunnels.
Student Health and Counseling now offers burn ointments and flame retardant suits, and is receiving more visits for dental checkups than ever.
“I'm getting bugs in my teeth,” Randy Billon, a chemical engineering student, said.
While the infrastructure plan comes with numerous costs, the University administration supports it.
“Shoot for the moon, we might land amongst the stars. At least parts of our campus will be halfway there.” Stokes said.
“It makes us look good,” Stokes said.
Shin Thant Hlaing is a freelance reporter at the Daily Lobo. She can be reached at news@dailylobo.com
