Ask the Editors: Relationship Advice

Time for some tough love: from misunderstandings to messy breakups, everybody needs a lended ear and helping hand when dealing with relationships sometimes. Editors from the Daily Lobo have come together to answer your most burning questions.

My boyfriend continuously cancels date nights because his friends always need him, for some reason or another; do you think he’s dodging me, or is it just coincidence?

I do think it is incredibly important to balance friendships with your love life: you should definitely consider the surrounding context. For example, if he has a friend who is going through some kind of difficult situation, it is more than reasonable that he should lend a hand and offer emotional support to them. Even so, I think it is rightful for you to feel this way if he is consistently canceling dates, especially if this behavior has persisted for a while.

Test the waters by asking him out on smaller dates: meet up between classes or go on a spur of the moment coffee date. This will eliminate the possibility of emergencies popping up between making the plan and the actual date. Of course, it is also vital to have a conversation about it if you feel hurt by what seems like constant avoidance — express to him that quality time is important and you want him to make an effort to reschedule instead of cancel if he truly cannot make it.

My girlfriend wants to enter an open relationship, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. What should I do?

While it is great that your girlfriend knows what she wants out of your situation, it is completely normal to not know what you want when faced with a decision like this. Knowing what you want out of any relationship is a wonderful thing, but it can also be challenging to understand those wants near the beginning.

Every open relationship is different. This is due to previously set boundaries, individual comfort levels, and other wants and needs couples have communicated with each other going into things. I would suggest getting a clear understanding of the boundaries you already have with your girlfriend and trying to envision applying them to an open relationship. Are there new boundaries that you would like to set if you two were to enter an open relationship? Or can you not envision it at all?

You cannot change your girlfriend's mind about wanting an open relationship. As harsh as it may sound, your situation would most likely have to end if you decided you did not want the same things out of your relationship, and that’s alright — sometimes, an end can be for the best.

If you decide you want a relationship like that, keeping healthy communication moving forward would be a good first step. Open relationships require open dialogue. What are the ground rules you two would like to set? Make sure you communicate regularly with each other about how one another feels.

I wish you all the luck in this journey of understanding what you want. Once you know, be proud that you were able to come to a conclusion.

My partner and I broke up about six months ago, and I’m still hung up on them. What are some tips you have for moving on?

Before anything else, I think it’s important to remember that you’re entitled to your feelings, and only you know how much that relationship meant to you. So it doesn’t matter if it ended six months ago — if you still have feelings for them, that’s completely valid.

As for moving on, while this may sound cliché, time can often be what’s needed to heal from past relationships. Our feelings don’t end from one day to the next, and asking that of ourselves can lead to unhealthy expectations. We often need time to process everything that happened and accept that ending things, for better or worse, led to a big change in our lives. This person used to be one of the most important people in your life — a breakup doesn’t erase that. If you need time to adjust to that — six months or even more — that’s completely normal.

Another thing to do is find a change of pace. A new hobby, going out more (or even less): basically any change of routine can help you deal with these feelings. When you were that person, you used to live your life a certain way that maybe now doesn’t make sense to do. You’re not the same person you were then, so finding a new version of yourself or even an old one you might have forgotten during your relationship might be the key to processing these feelings.

My girlfriend started calling me a pet name a few months into our relationship, and at first it was cute, but its started to get grating. I’ve tried asking her to stop, but she keeps doing it. How can I get her to cut it out?

Names carry a lot of weight and are a quintessential part of the identity you project to the world, so it makes sense to be upset if someone calls you by a name you find uncomfortable, especially after you’ve asked them to stop.

Sometimes, though, changing how you refer to someone can take a moment, especially when referring to them a certain way was second nature — regardless, it is something your partner should put in the effort to adjust in order to make sure you feel safe and supported in your relationship.

I would intentionally bring up the topic to them again and explain to them that, while you value the relationship, you really need to see them put in an effort to not call you that name anymore since it is ultimately your choice regarding how you are addressed by those closest to you. If they make the issue about themselves and how they see it as an endearing term that you should appreciate, take it as a red flag and examine what their behavior says about the future of your relationship.

While it may seem like a silly pet name to some, if it is a big deal to you, it is completely valid to be upset by it. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel comfortable with how you are being addressed.

Hopefully, this advice has given you the tools you need to fan the flame of love in your life so that you may avoid sobbing alone in your room while listening to Taylor Swift.

Zara Roy is the copy chief at the Daily Lobo. She can be reached at copychief@dailylobo.com

Katrina Estrada is the multimedia editor for the Daily Lobo. She can be contacted at multimedia@dailylobo.com or on Twitter @Katrina_est4

Annya Loya is the news editor at the Daily Lobo. She can be contacted at news@dailylobo.com or on Twitter @annyaloya 

Maddie Pukite is the managing editor at the Daily Lobo. They can be contacted at managingeditor@dailylobo.com or on Twitter @maddogpukite

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