@JoshuaDolin
“Halloween is the one night a year where a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”
~Mean Girls
Halloween is also the one night a year where it is socially acceptable for boys to wear tights, Chipotle is discounted and your dream of marrying a doctor or casting a love spell on Harry Potter can seem closer than ever before.
Aurora ended her Halloween night wearing a lab coat with black paint on her hands. Collette ended her night in bed with an empty bottle of wine. Alice ended her night walking home. Maggie ended her night watching Ghostbusters and getting the vodka stain out of her dress. And Ashley and I ended Halloween where all good evenings come to an end — the McDonald’s on Central and Yale.
In total last week we encountered or made out with doctors, football players, Spiderman, sexy Starbucks baristas, Miley Cyrus, a minion, a pizza delivery man and wizards from Hogwarts. It may sound like a winning night on paper, but was it?
If you are like my friends and me, Halloween this year was either epic or a night we choose to forget. We all ended our Halloweens differently, but where did they begin?
Aurora decided to accept a party invitation from her friend Lance. Dressed as Nancy Drew, she was determined to solve a mystery — such as where the hottest guy in the house was.
“Have you ever considered making out with someone only because of their costume?” she texted me that night. “Because there is a Spiderman here and he is no Andrew Garfield, but close enough.”
Later that night she had actually managed to coordinate a villain to attack her just so Spiderman could save her. “Once that didn’t work I decided to put on a lab coat so I could be Gwen Stacey and lock down that sexy Spidey!” she said.
Unlike the first attempt, that plan worked well for her. After her spidey senses stopped tingling, she made her way over a passed-out Professor McGonagall and began dancing with Sirius Black. “He sprayed his hair so my hands were covered in black paint! Then I walked in on my friend making out with another guy. And he isn’t gay,” she said.
Collette wanted nothing to do with Halloween this year. She tricked the people at Chipotle into believing her outfit from J. Crew counted as a “nerd” costume and was able to get the $3 burrito, which was the only treat she wanted that night.
Her roommates at Lobo Village had other plans however that included jello shots and a lot more people. “I figured if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” she said. “The only problem is that I sent a lot of Snapchats that I don’t remember taking.”
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Two hours and two bottles of wine later, Collette decided the hopes of meeting a hot guy at the party or on Snapchat were over, so she went to bed.
Alice and her boyfriend dressed as a Disney couple and met me Downtown. They only came to have a few drinks and to see me as Peter Pan, but their night went very differently.
“Well after we went to The Distillery we were going to go back to Bill’s car, but it was gone. Someone stole it,” she said the next day.
Needless to say, that is not how Alice or her boyfriend planned on spending their Halloween.
Maggie went Downtown with me. Maggie is the lemon to my tea and the stylish scarf to my winter wardrobe. Tonight, however, she was the Wendy to my Peter Pan.
After we got the rest of our group together we decided it was ‘off to Neverland,’ which in Albuquerque equates to Effex Nightclub.
Before we went inside Maggie gave all of us some words of encouragement. “Alright guys, we look great and we can all get Hallo-weiner tonight if we want to,” she said.
Feeling confident, we went into the gay club, but we were all immediately separated. I went upstairs where I proudly showed off my twerk to Miley Cyrus herself. Maggie and my other three friends stayed downstairs the whole time.
While one of them was making out with a surgeon, the other was trying to get a Kansas City Chiefs player to leave her alone.
“How is it that I take four girls to a gay club, and I end up being the only person who can’t find a guy?” I asked them.
Once Effex closed, the girls were ready to go home with their dates, Maggie was ready to go watch a movie and I was ready to go eat something, which is when I called Ashley to come pick me up.
“What in God’s name are you supposed to be?” I asked Ashley as soon as I got in the car.
“I’m a police officer!” she responded.
“Well you look like a hooker!” I said.
“I know, that’s what my mom said too. But I learned that no matter how slutty I dress, I still end the night alone,” Ashley said.
It was now 3 a.m. and we decided there was no better time to do something we would regret the next morning. So four green chile double cheeseburgers later, we were in the McDonald’s lobby discussing our evenings.
“Well I made out with Micah again, he was dressed as a minion,” Ashley said. “But that was it for tonight.”
Her night was still more exciting than mine had been. “At one point I was dancing in a big group of people and I accidently twerked on a pizza delivery man, but that was the highlight,” I told her.
And that is how we all spent Halloween 2013. Some of us danced, some of us drank and some of us got discounted burritos. What is your criteria for deciding if you had a good Halloween?
Do we need to make out with a man pretending to be a man we dream about to make it successful? If I didn’t dance with a vampire or a airplane pilot, does that mean it was a bad night?
We all ended our nights in completely different places from where we started them. Some of us were with professional athletes or doctors, and some of us were eating fast-food in revealing costumes.
Maggie said that Halloween was a hunt for Hallo-weiner, but what if we didn’t find a man? Will we be able to find one next weekend when we are not pretending to be someone else? And if we did find someone on Halloween, will we still like them the next morning? Or was their costume so good that we forgot to notice who they really are? If you find Hallo-weiner, does that make you a #Hallowinner?
Hallowinner or Halloloser:
Josh: Loser- no dates, winner- my legs looked amazing
Ashley: Winner- made out with a minion, loser- made out with a cheeseburger
Alice: Winner- had the cutest couple costume, loser- had to walk home
Collette: Winner- $3 burrito, loser- mystery snapchats sent
Aurora: Loser- has siriously black hands, winner- made out with Spiderman
Maggie: Winner- got a free drink, loser- someone spilled it on her
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