@JoshuaDolin
We all know what rejection feels like. Some of us even know what rejection looks like.
The cashier at Smith’s knows I have been rejected when she scans bottles of white wine, Pull n’ Peel Twizzlers and Milano cookies.
My roommate, Maggie, knows when she hears me watching the gay Home Depot marriage proposal for the third straight hour. And my DVD collection knows when the only movies getting watched involve Matthew McConaughey or talking animals.
Last week I wrote about how I had finally found yet another “perfect guy,” and I was happy again. Where did things go wrong with Tyler-Mason?
He asked me out, he texted me first every day, and he arranged our first date. I should have been in full control, right?
Two days after our date, he stopped texting me back. I thought maybe this could be normal, but my friends did not.
“I don’t want this to hurt your feelings, but I honestly think he lost interest in you,” Ashley told me. Being a professional at texting guys for a week and then moving on, she knew what she was talking about.
And in the past, I had done the same thing. When I was no longer interested in a guy, I would just stop texting him back. Was this karma?
“The one thing you cannot do is text him again! If he hasn’t responded to your text, you need to forget him and move on. You absolutely cannot text him again. It’s just too pathetic,” Ashley said.
She was right, but I wasn’t ready to give up on someone I really liked. So I waited three more days, and with all of my coworkers bearing witness, I texted him again on Thursday at 7:03 p.m. I had officially waved the white flag and surrendered defeat to Tyler-Mason. That simple text let him know that I officially liked him more than he liked me.
Sure enough he responded and we talked the rest of the night. I texted him the following morning — no response. So I thought at that point we were officially over.
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Being a great friend, Collette decided we needed to dress up, get alcohol and complain about men together, so we went to Monte Vista later that night.
“We just need to find new guys. But why are men not throwing themselves at me? I dressed so slutty tonight! I feel so exposed!” Collette said.
That night I was feeling rejected because a guy wouldn’t text me, but Collette was feeling rejected because no guys would approach her. Is it the same thing?
No more than five minutes after we get to a booth, who should stumble in but Tyler-Mason. I saw him. He saw me. And just about everyone in the bar saw a very awkward gay encounter in the making.
I pretended not to see him, but he came over and sat with Collette and me. He acted like nothing had happened, so we talked for a while before security made him take his friend home.
I thought once again that there was hope for us, but I texted him Saturday and asked when we could get a drink again and he avoided the question. It was now obvious that he was not interested in me.
So the two-week saga with Tyler-Mason has officially ended.
As with every breakup or trouble with men, Maggie and I like to help each other. She brings the Merlot, and I bring the chocolate and tears.
“It’s because I’m fat. And ugly. I run 30 miles a week! What more do men want from me?” I asked Maggie.
“It’s not that. You are beautiful, and I would date you if we could,” she said.
As if getting rejected from a date wasn’t bad enough, I also got a call this week and was rejected from getting a credit card.
“Men don’t want me, Chase Visa doesn’t want me! I give up,” I said.
“At least personality isn’t your problem. No guys like me because I don’t know how to flirt so I just end up becoming their friend. And to be honest, I’m just a bitch,” she said.
She brought up a very interesting point. When we get dumped, we immediately jump to the conclusion that it is because of a superficial reason like weight, skin, hair, etc. But what if it isn’t? What if the reason a man doesn’t like us is because of our personality?
I think we like to assume men don’t like us for beauty-related problems because it is even more scary to imagine that they don’t like who we are on the inside. The real us.
Alice said that the hardest rejection she ever faced was when a guy made plans with her and then never followed through and stood her up. “It broke my heart that he never wanted to see me, but now I realize that him never coming to meet me was the greatest thing ever. Because I found Bill (her boyfriend) and he actually appreciates me.”
Is it worse to be rejected before a date even happens like Alice, or right after one, like me?
Ashley was having the same problem that I was. After she went on a date at Satellite last week, she was in love, but the feelings were not mutual.
“I thought it went fairly well, but apparently it did not because he never texted me back,” she said. “Either my personality sucked or I looked awful.”
Ashley agreed with me that she hoped her looks were the reason for the rejection, not her personality. Because when someone does not like who we are, that hurts much deeper.
Even Maggie has gotten her share of rejection.
“I have never been outright rejected, I just get ignored. It’s because I don’t put myself out there enough to get rejected,” Maggie said. “One time Netflix told me there was a problem payment plan though. That one really hurt.”
Aurora avoids rejection by trying to be the first to reject someone else.
“I think it’s super interesting that the pain rejection causes is activated by the same parts of the brain that cause physical pain. We take the rejection of others too lightly,” she said.
The rejection continued this week for my other good friend, Emi, who slept with a guy and was then rejected. “I feel like I get rejected more than I reject others. The problem is that I still like this guy, but after we spent the night together he moved on,” she said. Emi has a way to make herself feel better though. “I buy a jar of peanut butter, light candles and run 12 miles the next day,” she said.
We all have different ways of handling rejection. Ashley buys cupcakes, drives to the top of the Sandia Mountains and cries. Maggie loses herself in a bottle of wine. Collette does extra homework. And Aurora cuddles with her Disney stuffed animals.
It has been a week full of rejection for my friends and me, but the real question is why? Rejection is just a part of life, but that doesn’t mean it is always fair.
Collette had this advice for me: “Your happiness is contagious, and I think once you find someone he will be absolutely amazing, and it will be meant to be. It is worth waiting for that special someone though.”
She is a great friend, and I believe that advice can be applied to everyone. If you have been rejected this week, I don’t think it was because of your appearance or your personality. In fact, I believe that maybe the reason you got rejected is because there is someone even better out there for you.
The sooner we get rejected, the sooner we can all find our “someone special” and be truly happy.
Until then, we need to put ourselves out there. Rejection hurts us and makes us lose hope sometimes, but does it have to be bad? Or, can we learn from it and #AcceptRejection?
Current Relationship Statuses:
Josh: Rejected by men and Chase Visa
Ashley: Rejecting men on the daily
Aurora: Only cares about rejection from the LSAT
Collette: Rejected by people she doesn’t even know
Alice: The only one not rejected
Maggie: Ready to accept rejection
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