@JoshuaDolin
We all have dreams. Whether they happen when we’re asleep at night or while we’re losing interest during class, we can’t avoid them.
But is everything we dream about something we actually want?
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. famously said that he had a dream for racial equality. I also have a dream, but mine is much simpler: Right now I dream about having a boyfriend, or, depending on the night, half of the menu items from Taco Bell.
But that’s not what I dreamed about a few nights ago. I had a dream that I was dating my ex-boyfriend, Bradford, again. We were together, happy and in love, almost as if nothing had changed since our breakup in March. But I don’t want to be with him — I don’t like him and I’m definitely not in love with him. So why am I dreaming about being with him again?
It’s been said that dreams represent our subconscious desires. I used to think this was accurate because most of my dreams involved Disneyland, food or pop stars, but this dream about Bradford cannot be right.
I couldn’t stop thinking about that dream all day. Bradford and I are never going to date again, and I don’t want him invading my subconscious because it forces me to relive those emotions. The following night, I had the same dream again.
“Princess Aurora says that if you dream something more than once, it’s sure to come true,” I told Maggie the next morning on our way to class.
We all have recurring dreams, as well. Sometimes I go shopping with Hillary Clinton; other times, I’m an international superstar like in “The Lizzie McGuire Movie.” But one thing I do not want to dream about anymore is Bradford.
Maggie doesn’t dream about her ex-boyfriend, but that’s because she never really liked him.
“I don’t really remember most of my dreams,” Maggie said. “I just remember the emotions attached to them. I just wake up and go, ‘damn that was sexy,’ and then forget the dream.”
Maybe the reason I dream about Bradford is because I have not completely moved on, which is a scary possibility. I dream about my ex-boyfriend because I might still have feelings for him, but Collette never dreams about her ex-boyfriend.
Get content from The Daily Lobo delivered to your inbox
“To be honest, I don’t dream about him because I don’t even care about him anymore. But you know who I still dream about? That guy I hooked up with last summer,” she said. “It’s because the sex with him was so amazing! I will never forget him.”
Who hasn’t dreamt about an attractive hook-up before?
“I didn’t even know what sex was until I met him! It was seriously unbelievable and I dream about it all the time!” she said.
And then there are those dreams that are pure fantasy. After reading “Fifty Shades of Grey,” Ashley has been obsessed with finding a man exactly like Christian Grey.
“I have dreams about guys that don’t exist. I go on dates with them and I feel so happy because the guys in my dreams are exactly who I want to date in real life,” Ashley said over brunch with Alice and me. “Then I wake up and realize I’m still alone and I’m like, ‘Ok, where are the cupcakes at?’”
Princess Cinderella said that dreams are supposed to be where you lose your heartache. That may be true for Ashley, but she still thinks her dreams represent her subconscious feelings as well.
“I will sometimes have dreams about my ex-boyfriend, but mostly my dreams are about future guys that I think about,” she said.
I don’t think any of us can completely escape dreams about ex-boyfriends. After ending a bad relationship over a year ago, Alice still has dreams about what it was like to be with her ex.
“I think that I have dreams about him because I remember the good reasons for dating him,” she said. “Everyone has good qualities; that’s why we start dating them. But then, once I wake up, I realize how happy I am that I have Bill now.”
However, because Alice is happily in a relationship with Bill, she said most of her dreams are not about relationships at all.
“Last week I dreamt that I didn’t have a butt. I just woke up and it was gone. I think most of my dreams are about meaningless things because I am happy with Bill in real life,” she said.
Aurora and I had dreams together last weekend when we had a sleepover. After going to Monte Vista and looking for guys together, we eventually called it quits and spent the night in my bed.
Aurora and I spent the night next to each other, but were dreaming completely different worlds. While I dreamed about living in San Francisco with 10 Australian Shepherds, she had a dream about a crush from high school.
“I mean, I didn’t even like him that much, and I completely forgot about him until I had a dream about him,” she said. “And because of that dream I have been thinking about him more!”
Does that mean there’s always been a part of her subconscious that has feelings for him?
“I think that dreams represent subconscious desires,” she said. “But I really have no interest in that guy, so I don’t have an explanation for that one.”
We all have dreams in which we’re rich, famous or able to eat limitless amounts of ice cream without gaining weight, but why do we also have dreams about ex-boyfriends?
Do we secretly still miss them? Or did we just drink too much wine before we slept that night?
This week I decided that there is no better time to listen to the “Les Miserables” soundtrack, because I dream many dreams.
I dream about my future, I dream about being naked on campus and I dream about the hot guy in my geography class. Some dreams are fun, and some are fantasy. But when I have dreams about being with my ex-boyfriend, is that what I really want? Or is it an emotional nightmare?
I think that most of the time we dream about things we care about. Maybe I do still have feelings for Bradford — but after spending a year and a half with him, isn’t that normal?
How do I stop dreaming about him? Can I learn occlumency, like in Harry Potter, to keep him out of my mind?
If I am still dreaming about him, does that mean he has “won” the breakup? What if he still dreams about me?
Why do dreams have to be so confusing? Why can’t they always just involve Zac Efron and copious amounts of dessert?
I dream about being successful, having a family and growing old with my soul mate. I dream about my future children, and I dream about my future husband. I think we all have dreams like these because we lose ourselves in thoughts that make us feel better when we are alone. And isn’t that the purpose of dreams?
Just when I thought that I had closed my heart to Bradford and moved on, I relived my love for him while I was fast asleep. Is this dream what my heart actually wants? Is it safe to sleep again, or will I have to wake up and realize I am single and unloved every day? And is it possible to choose the dreams we have, or will I always be a #DesperateDreamer?
Current Relationship Statuses:
Josh: Dreaming of ex-boyfriends, pop stars and fast-food
Ashley: Dreaming of Christian Grey
Alice: Dreaming about good parts of relationships
Collette: Dreaming of outstanding sex
Aurora: Dreaming of old crushes
Maggie: Dreaming “sexy” dreams, but forgetting them
