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Men and women united Tuesday night for a lecture on how men and boys can be the solution to ending violence against women and girls.
“Why Good Men Are Silent” was given by Ted Bunch, co-founder of A Call to Men. This national prevention organization is part of UNiTE, a UN initiative committed to ending violence against women around the world.
Bunch’s lecture, given in the Science and Math Learning Center, touched on key points such how men and boys are socialized as well as what society has come to perceive as the “man-box.”
Bunch said the “man-box” is a social construction that includes all the clichés a boy hears growing up such as “be tough, don’t cry and don’t ask for help.”
Bunch said that by telling our boys and men to “quit crying/acting like a girl,” we are teaching them that girls are weak and that we do not value them, which leads to disrespecting women.
“Men don’t listen to the voices of women because men do not respect the voices of women,” Bunch said. “If men would listen to the voices of women, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
He showed a video of men being asked if they would get involved after witnessing a domestic violence dispute. Most of the men responded that they would “mind their own business.” But if it appeared the woman did not have a direct relation to that man, only then did the men in the video say they would step in.
Bunch said this illustrated how men in society view a woman as an object belonging to a man if they are in a relationship. Factors such as these contribute to at least three women a day being murdered by their partners, mostly during or after separation, he said.
One boy at the lecture disagreed with most of the men in the film, and said he would step in whether or not the woman was involved with the man assaulting her.
“I would definitely not say (mind my own business), I would get involved,” 15-year-old Bastin Avila said.
Avila said he has been influenced by the women in his family almost all his life to be a feminist and thought by going to the event it would help him be part of that voice.
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“It helps me understand how men are influenced to treat women and see men’s perspective of women,” he said to the Daily Lobo after the talk.
Women in the room were asked to raise their hand if they do anything during their day to make themselves feel less at risk of being sexually assaulted. As hands around the room came up, Bunch asked the men to look around.
“Every 12 seconds a man physically abuses a woman in this country and every nine seconds a man rapes or sexually assaults a woman,” he said.
Some women explained what they do to protect themselves against such occurrences, such as parking under lights, avoiding eye contact, carrying their keys in a jabbing, outward position and always relying on someone to drop them off and pick them up in front of their destination.
Summer Little, interim director of the Women’s Resource Center, said, “When I lived alone, I would check every window in the house and lock every door when I got home.”
To help explain his message, Bunch used hypothetical examples.
One involved a story of a boy who is asked how he would feel if his coach told him he played like a girl. Bunch emphasized that the boy doesn’t say “mad, angry or sad,” but that it would “destroy him.”
Bunch explained this as a continued socialization, teaching our children that women have less value, causing us to maintain a culture of discrimination, he said.
He showed a photo of his own son wearing pink socks. He had asked his father to help dye them after seeing NFL players wearing pink for Breast Cancer Awareness month. Bunch describes his son as a man’s man who was influenced by his idols, not even knowing the reason behind the pink. His son’s friends began asking where they could get their pair soon after.
Bunch said he believes change is possible and that it starts with the men influencing one another.
To find out more or get involved with the fight to end domestic violence,
contact Summer Little at UNM Women’s Crisis Center at
505) 277-3716,
or go to
ACallToMen.com.
To join a UNiTE initiative, go to EndViolence.UN.org.
