Relocate for love only if the feeling is reciprocal
Dear Wooley,
I moved around a lot growing up and met a lot of people in so many different places. I remember during one year in high school, I met a gal and even though I only lived near her a short time, we became such good friends. Even after I left, we’ve kept in touch and we talk on the phone often.
Lately I think I’ve developed feelings for her and I don’t honestly know if that’s … well, crazy. I’ve since put in my four years at UNM and I feel like once I graduate in May, if I were to go out to where she lives, get a job and try to date her, that would make me out to be a creeper.
I haven’t told her how I feel. That said, she’s my best friend and I think that’s what I want to do. Am I crazy?
-Wanting to relocate for romance
Dear Wanting,
You’re not crazy. You’re just love drunk and sometimes that can impair a person’s vision.
There are some things you seriously need to consider before you pack up and head out. Is there any other reason for you to move out to wherever this gal is other than this gal alone? Are there opportunities for you to grow as a person mentally, spiritually, professionally, et cetera? These are some things you may need to think about.
If she is the sole reason you are moving out, make sure she feels the same way about you as you do about her, or is at least willing to pursue a relationship.
From what you say, your delivery of how you reveal to her that you have feelings for her will be pretty important. She may feel the same way and she may not, and if she doesn’t, you need to be OK with that.
There’s also the risk of losing the friendship you’ve developed when you tell her how you feel. As much as I’m for open communication in relationships, you need to know that she may not be comfortable being your friend, knowing you’re crushing.
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Consider all these things and your future. No, not everything needs to have a plan when it comes to life, nor do I think we can plan out how relationships will go. For you, however, keep in mind that relationships go both ways. Both folks need to feel the same way.
Chances to volunteer are varied, plentiful and fun
Dear Wooley,
Lately I’ve been catching myself in this sort of funk. I feel like there is so much negativity in the world and I don’t know what to do about it. I want to help but I feel like I’m just one person.
Plus, I’m working and going to school, and it’s hard for me to spend the time to find causes or events I can participate in. I think the world is so much bigger than just myself, but how do I help that big world?
On the other side of things, part of me feels bad because even though I want to spend time helping others, I don’t want it to be a depressing time. Any suggestions?
-How do I help?
Dear How,
If you want to help someone else and serve in your community, you can’t use the lack of time due to work and school as an excuse. Heck, you’ve got enough time to read the Daily Lobo and write in. I’m sure you can find an hour here or there to help out, and Albuquerque has plenty of ways for you to serve.
There are homeless shelters and the food pantries that are always looking for volunteers. If you’re religious, your place of worship may also have a specific cause in the city that they donate time to once a month. Don’t think you have any talents or skills? That’s OK.
Nursing homes are always looking for volunteers to just come and be with people, and the Animal Humane Association needs volunteers to spend time with pets. What I am saying is that sometimes just making yourself available to someone else is all the other person( or pup) may need.
Maybe you can’t volunteer regularly, or you don’t want to volunteer alone — that’s fine. I think the best way to give back to the community is with friends. Gather up your crew and go out into the city and make a difference.
This weekend there’s a citywide scavenger hunt benefiting UNM Children’s Hospital and the Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals called “Hunt to Help.” You and a group of friends can see the city and make a difference.
Spring Storm, hosted by ASUNM Community Experience, is a citywide event that brings folks from all across UNM together to give back to nonprofits all across the city. Neither of those sound fun? Then run a marathon. There’s one nearly every month in New Mexico or one of the surrounding states, entry fees are reasonable and even though lots of folks are participating, it’s still an individual service you give to raise money for a cause.
Those are the basic things you can do regularly and with others.
If you can’t find anything that appeals to you, then by all means, maybe you can start something. It doesn’t even have to be hard, and it’ll be as fun or as “depressing” as you make it — all that is dependent on your attitude.
Connect with loved ones while they’re alive, well
Dear Wooley,
I lost my grandfather two weeks ago to cancer. We had the funeral and I took the time off of school to pay my respects, but the thing I can’t kick is this guilt. I feel like I should have gotten to know him better.
I only saw him on holidays and at reunions, and I didn’t really know him. Now I don’t feel like there’s anything I can do. Do you have any advice?
-Guilty conscience
Dear Guilty,
I’m sincerely sorry for your loss. What you need to know is that there is nothing you can do to redeem the lost time with your loved ones, but I think older generations know that we young’uns love them. Never do I think they doubt that. They were young once, too, you know. Nor should you doubt your grandfather’s love for you. Grandparents love the best, you know.
What you can actively do is take the time to call the loved ones you still have left, be they family, professional mentors or friends. Let them know you appreciate and care about them, and do it regularly. None of us — even us young twenty-somethings — really know how long we are going to live, but we can share our lives with those we care about.
If you have questions and need answers, please send an email to Wooleysweeklywisdom@gmail.com. He’ll be more than happy to answer any questions or concerns you might have. Be sure to check out his Facebook page, ask-ryan-wooley.
