Temper passion with empathy to keep friends
Dear Wooley,
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about character flaws of my own. We’ve all got them — and we’ve all got to deal with them. Unfortunately, sometimes other people have to deal with a couple of mine.
I’m usually a pretty mellow person, but when I get passionate about something, I can turn into a real asshole. I just can’t seem to figure out how to avoid it.
I rarely notice it’s happening until it’s too late. How do I deal with this issue and find a way to keep it under control? I’m tired of pissing off people that I care about.
-Literally caught in the moment
Dear Caught up,
There’s nothing wrong with passion in itself. Passion is actually a good thing. It’s the spice that makes us all different and unique.
Everyone should be passionate about something. It’s important to have drive or a dream of some kind you’re working toward. That way you are intentional with where your life is headed and can enjoy life. Intentionally investing time and energy into passions is how we grow and better ourselves. We often form friendships around our passions. Musicians find others who play music, football junkies start a fantasy league, faithful believers meet at church, temple or mosque and foodies — they eat.
Often people find that their values, experiences and the most meaningful people in their lives center around their passion. In that sense, having passion is beautiful and meaningful.
Where the frustration often lies is in the fact that everyone has different passions.
It is good you’re aware of your enthusiasm, and that things you say or do may be offensive or annoying to others. You should ask yourself if what you are saying or doing is in itself offensive or whether it could be interpreted as offensive. Try to put yourself in your friends’ shoes and see it from their perspective, not for the sake of changing, but so you can understand and connect with others’ points of view. Our diversity of interests is what makes our shared community so wonderful.
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Second, I’d have a conversation with a friend or two about this. You clearly want to better yourself, and you alone can make the decision as to how to do that, but you also shouldn’t sacrifice something you love if it doesn’t hurt people.
Ask your friends whether, why and how you’re making them angry. They can offer more specific advice and deliver it more relevantly than I. Just as if you were to give advice to a friend, ask for it humbly and gently, and it will be more likely to be returned that way.
Set goals for the future to stay motivated today
Dear Wooley,
I am graduating in May, and even though I got to relax over spring break, I have absolutely no desire to finish the rest of the semester. I have no motivation at all. I know I will complete the semester with a passing grade, but how do I get the inspiration to finish the semester strong and get good grades?
-Out of steam
Dear Out of steam,
How glad I am you had a restful break. While I did get some rest, I spent most of my break revising my résumé for various jobs I was applying for, writing cover letters and even going to interviews. I too am graduating soon and have senioritis.
That said, I also don’t have a job lined up for when I graduate. I’ve gone to the career fairs, spoken with friends and applied online. I really would like to have a job for when I graduate. I think that’s my biggest shield from indulging in senioritis.
I know when I graduate, I want to hit the ground running, and I don’t want to move back home. You don’t just become a go-getter, and motivation isn’t something you can buy at ghetto Smith’s. You’ve got to want it.
This is what college prepares us for, and why this little piece of paper that says, “I mean something in life” has any relevance. You’ve spent the last X years researching and studying, managing your time, writing and producing work so that you can go and apply those and other skills in the real world.
College, in some ways, prepares us for that real world, and in other ways, it isolates us from it. My senioritis is offset by all those things I need to do to prepare myself for post-college life. There’s a lot.
Hopefully that doesn’t scare you too much. My advice to you is to enjoy this last little bit we have in college, but also give yourself a goal for where you’d like to be a year from now — or five years from now. What steps do you need to take to get there? Ask yourself daily: What can I do today to get there?
As far as your grades — that’s up to you. Some people really value those, others don’t. Do what you feel is best.
On a positive note, we are going to graduate. Whatever happens next for both of us, I think it’s important to remember that our lives are an open road, and wherever we go, we should enjoy the ride. If we aren’t doing that, there’s a real problem.
If you have questions and need answers, please send an email to Wooleysweeklywisdom@gmail.com. He’ll be more than happy to answer any questions or concerns you might have. Be sure to check out his Facebook page, ask-ryan-wooley.
