Wooley’s Weekly Wisdom

‘Vagina Monologues’ stimulates dialogue

Dear Wooley,

I am participating in the UNM production of the “Vagina Monologues,” which will be presented this February. This will actually be my third year of participation in the “Vagina Monologues,” but my first year in Albuquerque.

In the past I have encountered people who make assumptions about the play based on the name rather than what it’s about. Unfortunately, these people are often very close-minded and don’t want to listen to what I have to say.

For example, I have a button that says, “My Vagina: Priceless.” I was once asked what that was supposed to mean. When I tried to explain that (to me) it meant I was too important to sell myself out or to allow myself to be mistreated, I was met with snide remarks and rude comments. I was told I shouldn’t be wearing a button like that, and that I could find another way to get that message across.

This is very frustrating for me, and I never know how to handle that situation. I tend to get angry and typically have to just walk away. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle that or even how to educate people about the “Vagina Monologues” and violence against women?

Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!

–The Flood

Flood,

I was certainly moved when I read the “Vagina Monologues” and am excited to see the production for the first time. Allow me to attempt an answer to your two-part question.

Don’t let it dishearten you because someone thinks differently than you or is uneducated about your cause. That’s their unfortunate loss. If anything, you should be glad your conversation starter actually worked. Surely you know “vagina” (and its many other names) aren’t often seen, much less celebrated.

You can’t force an ideology on someone, but we do have the freedom to express what we think and talk about those beliefs. That’s why your button starts the conversation, opening the door to sharing your passionate cause.

My grandmother once said, “You can’t control what people do or how they react; the only person you can control is you.” Folks have a right to think what they want, just like you do. Some will accept your way of thinking. If they don’t or are indifferent, their disagreement or discouraging words can only bring you down if you let them.

Don’t let them. Rejoice in the fact that you, along with everyone else and your vagina, are indeed priceless.

Lonely student looks to make friends, live a little

Dear Wooley,

I want to be different this semester.

I’ve always kept to myself, and that was fine in high school, but now I found last semester that I was lonely. My grades even dropped, and I barely kept my scholarship.

All that said, I don’t want to change who I am. I’m happy with me. I realized when I went home over break that all my old friends from high school had made new friends except me, and while I do enjoy my college classes, I want to make sure to make my grades.

Any suggestions to start the new year (and semester) off right?

–Lonely Lobo

Lonely,
I’m glad you kept your scholarship and are back at UNM for round two of this school year. Welcome back to campus.

The two issues you bring up can really go hand-in-hand.
It’s great you like college. Showing up to class on time, doing your work, studying: those are all obvious priorities you can do independently.

Aside from those, I’d encourage you do some things many people find scary. Speak up in class. Raise your hand. Probe your professors with questions or make your comment. Don’t do this an unnecessary amount or at awkward times, but publicly show your interest and investment in the course.

That teenage stereotype of a “nerd” really doesn’t exist much in college. In fact, people will take notice of you and probably ask you to join or start a study group. The ideal scenario is to meet and spend time with new people around the premise of your classes.
Should that scenario not play out, CAPS (on the third floor of Zimmerman Library) probably has some sort of social study faction formed for your subject.

Of course you can always meet new people outside of class. UNM is a culturally rich campus filled with people from all around the world. Find someone who you maybe wouldn’t normally talk to and strike up a conversation.

If that’s a little too bold, you can always seek out those with similar interests to you. The Student Activities Center is an office located on the bottom floor of the SUB. They’re the folks to talk to about UNM’s more than 400 clubs. You could also try to find a job on campus. Any of these will introduce you to new people, give you the opportunity to build relationships, and make memories that’ll last you a lifetime.

However, perhaps that’s all overwhelming. I can certainly understand that. College — heck, life — can be overwhelming.
What’s good is you have a clean slate this semester, and you’ve given yourself two solid, achievable goals: friends and grades. To avoid being overwhelmed, maybe start small. Take one day at a time for these goals. Own your academic responsibilities and go out of your way to make a buddy.

If I could sum everything up, sometimes you have to be a friend to have a friend. All that “golden rule” and “do unto others” stuff is actually pretty true. Apply it. If you’re kind and show interest in someone, they typically reciprocate.

To all, have a wonderful spring semester.

If you have questions and need answers, please send an email to Wooleysweeklywisdom@gmail.com He’ll be more than happy to answer any questions or concerns you might have. Be sure to check out his Facebook page, ask-ryan-wooley.