In this era of almost monthly natural disasters, global climate change, and with what seems like everything from broccoli to Tastykakes contaminated with deadly bacteria, it’s nice to know that the nation’s university professors are researching and conducting studies of the evils of our time, like SpongeBob Squarepants.
The ABC News report on research published Monday in the journal “Pediatrics” found that shows such as the one featuring our favorite pineapple denizen hinder the cognitive ability of preschoolers more than slower-paced shows.
A study led by University of Virginia professor Angeline Lillard exposed 60 four-year-olds to three different activities over a nine-minute period: drawing with crayons and markers, watching a slow-paced PBS show, or watching “Spongebob.” Afterwards, the children were asked to do “executive function” tasks like counting backward, solving puzzles and waiting to eat a “tasty” snack. With scene changes every 11 seconds, “Spongebob” was found to have a “negative” effect on children, compared with drawing and the slower PBS show “Caillou.” The culprit, according to the study, is the frenetic pace of “Spongebob” compared with the other activities.
Cailou is a show that “exhibited real-life events about a pre-school age boy.”I watched the news report, folks. In the snippet from “Caillou”, a mother says to her small child, who’s standing in front of a display of socks, (labeled SOCKS), “OK, I think we’re done shopping now!” The child, who I’m assuming is Caillou, giggles delightedly.
As a former preschooler, I say this: that, my friends, is riveting television.
Meanwhile, Spongebob regularly goes fishing with his best friend for actual jellyfish, whose jelly he uses for sandwiches, in between annoying the hell out of his uppity squid neighbor while working at a restaurant run by a money-grubbing crab.
Occasionally he has battles of wits with a megalomaniacal one-eyed plankton, who possesses his own secret lair and talking computer.
And he lives in a pineapple under the sea.
Caillou, may I remind you, goes shopping for socks with his mother. I’d be more than happy to draw and count after “Caillou” if that meant I didn’t have to watch it again.
I’m not saying PBS programs have no value. I would be remiss if I didn’t admit that shows like “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood,” “Sesame Street,” and “Reading Rainbow” didn’t have an effect on me that lasts to this day. And certainly after those programs, I would love to draw and count and learn.
But that’s not attributable to just the programs themselves. I had a mother who encouraged my creativity and imagination and would often sit beside me on a large white sheet that we’d pretend was snow.
She made an effort to create an activity that wasn’t just watching television but learning. The things I saw were part of life.
Reading, writing, Mr. Rogers showing how crayons were made; this served as an introduction to the world.
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I’m all for testing the abilities of children. I was in the gifted program because people took the time to test what I was capable of. It’s wrong, though, to suggest that as a program “Spongebob” is “negative,” because afterward children won’t draw and count and wait for a snack. Spongebob may not “educate” in the typical sense, but he makes children happy.
When I’m not slaving over a computer fighting for truth, justice and the American way, I work at a party retail store that sees hundreds of children come through the doors every week. I’ve seen children as young as nine months light up and find as many as 10 different ways to greet their yellow friend as he hangs from the ceiling with the other licensed character balloons. The most common being “BUHBOB,” said as excitedly as if a grandparent just gave them a treat.
Spongebob teaches lessons in friendship and unwavering support and love of his dim-witted, pink friend Patrick, who makes up for what he lacks in smarts in loyalty and trust and good humor and occasional bravery. Spongebob introduces children to the fact though our neighbor Squidward might be unpleasant occasionally, but he’s a person (squid?) too, and we’d do well to make an effort to understand what he enjoys and how he lives, just as we expect him to do that for us.
Spongebob is loyal to the end to his boss Mr. Crabs, teaching children to take pride in where they are and the spaces they call home when, well, they aren’t at home. He even, in his own way, teaches ethics, when he stands up to his not-so-ethical crustacean supervisor.
As a big brother, I think the show is important because it’s something siblings can watch together. The older children understand the occasional slightly off-color joke or errant pop-culture reference, while the younger ones just delight in the fantastical adventures.
I’d like to see studies about the environments in which children live. I’d like to see how a child’s cognitive abilities are affected when he picks an item from the shelf and, with honest curiosity, asks his parent what it is, only to be told sharply and unkindly to “put it back because I’m not buying it for you.”
I’d like to see studies on mindsets of talkative, observant children and how these children are affected by a parent who spends entire outings to the store on the phone as they try only to keep up with the cart.
This isn’t the first study I’ve seen that says “if your child watches this show, say goodbye to his attention span and his chances of getting into Harvard.” There are adults in this world, and I’m one of them, who have trouble maintaining a cohesive train of thought. I have trouble writing and counting when I’m in the quiet west wing of Zimmerman Library. In a world of iPods, iPads, Netflix, and video streaming into our minds and out of our ears, I’m glad Spongebob is around. I’m glad the world is scary and changing and that he’s become a stalwart for children and even some adults. I …
Forget it. I’m bored. I want a snack. All together now! “Whooo lives in a pineapple under the sea? …”
