Imagine the prospect of a pigskinless Sabbath.
A report circulated last week that the NFL owners and players are close to reaching a Collective Bargaining Agreement that would end the 2011 lockout. But I’ve been pessimistic about the two sides reaching an agreement, and I’m a firm believer that seeing is believing. With that said, if the two parties can’t hammer something out, what is America to do on Sundays?
Good thing for you, NFL fans, I’ve compiled a list should there not be a season:
If you’re like me and attended Catholic school for 13 years before being introduced to public schooling in college, I might recommend picking up religion.
I used to hate going to church, even when I was in school, on Saturday nights and Sundays. But if missing the NFL season keeps you up at night and gives you the sweats and shakes, then maybe a greater power can help you come to terms with no NFL on Sundays.
Another thing to do on Sundays: Why not spend time with your family?
I don’t have a girlfriend or any children (I can barely take care of a dog, let alone myself). During football season, my mom would call me to see how the Giants were doing, and usually the phone conversation lasted 12.5 seconds before I’d tell her, “I’ll call you back.”
Of course, I never called her back. Thank you DirecTV RedZone channel for that.
But if there’s no football, I will spend Sundays having brunch with my mom at the Hyatt Tamaya. It has taken me 20-plus years to become a decent son.
Funny enough, the NFL indirectly encourages obesity. A majority of Americans plop down on the couch, potato chips in hand, to watch three hours of others doing vigorous physical labor. So then, instead of being a spectator, why not participate? Even with college football consuming Saturdays in the fall, it’s hard to be fit from September to January.
So maybe I’ll get up off of my ass, put down my third sleeve of Bagel Bites and Lava Cake from Domino’s pizza, finish my sixth beer for the day and go outside.
I’m not a big guy to begin with. In fact, I’m incredibly skinny, but that doesn’t automatically mean I’m in shape.
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Maybe a little physical activity would help increase my life span by another couple months.
Or perhaps you can pick up an instrument.
I have no musical talent and never had a desire to play an instrument, but learning to play the drums would be a good idea.
Who knows? Maybe I’ll make it big with a band, and I can do my best Tommy Lee impression on tour.
Last but not least, you could take up cooking.
I don’t eat healthy to begin with, so I think if I learned how to cook healthy and not eat fast food every meal, my life would be better.
Instead of flipping through 10 channels checking 10 football scores, I could watch the Food Network.
But really when it boils down to it, all of these things sound pretty close to awful.
America needs the NFL like I need Bud Light and pork rinds on Sundays.
