Rock band puts out unoriginal sludge
The Shys
Astoria
Available Now
When my untimely demise arrives and I am dragged to the brimstone-lined halls of Hades - bad people section - the Shys shall surely be the soundtrack ensuring that my eternity sucks.
I say this because every second I have to listen to this unoriginal, uninspired, three-chord garage-rock sludge, I feel like I am in hell.
If this sounds overly dramatic, it is.
With their album Astoria, the Shys contribute nothing to rock 'n' roll that another 5 million "insert-one-or-two-syllable-word" bands haven't. This bluesy-woozy schmaltz has existed in essentially the same form since the mid '60s. The silly hairstyles rock musicians always seem to don are the only things that ever change - that, and the tendency of newer bands to use abstract and non-mass nouns in their "the" names. Give me a break.
I have said this before, and I will continue to say it until I am dragged out into the street and dismembered by throngs of leather pants-clad cretins wielding brand new vintage Stratocasters.
Al-Qaida, if you are listening, please attack the American music industry. It is the real infidel.
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Before I go, I'd like to reaffirm my allegiance to this country. God bless America. Give me some of that rock 'n' roll music.
If you like this, you might also enjoy:
The Gun Shys - The Gun Shys
Society, Secret - Elevator Action
Asleep/No Apologies - Bleed the Dream
Turntablist's instrumentals top-notch
Cut Chemist
The Audience's Listening
Available Now
Cut Chemist dropped his solo debut, The Audience's Listening, and I just broke several teeth out and shattered my eardrums.
Yes, this one is a banger.
The 12 tracks tend to be deceptively simple, but keep in mind that he is doing a lot of this on turntables. Whenever I touch turntables, it sounds like a morbidly obese cat making sweet love to a meat grinder. Those things are horribly difficult to operate, and turntablists have yet to get the widespread recognition they deserve.
It is ironic that outmoded technology such as turntables is used to make some of the most modern experimental music. It is like using a Ford Model A to drive to Mars.
Chemist has a tendency to use drumbeats that swagger instead of walk. Try to nod your head, and suddenly you find yourself pulling off advanced yoga maneuvers.
Mr. Lif, Edan, Thes One from People Under the Stairs and another guy named Hymnal - who sounds suspiciously like Posdnuos from De La Soul - show up to drop verses on three tracks. This album, however, is geared mostly toward instrumentals - and they are beautiful. This is probably the best hip-hop album that will come out this year.
If you like this, you might also enjoy:
Funky Skunk - DJ Shadow
Magnificent City Instrumentals - RJD2
Hip Hop Gold Dust - Prince Paul
Muse can't make up for whiny vocals
Muse
Black Holes and Revelations
Available Now
I was getting all geared up to bash to death Black Holes and Revelations by Muse, because at first listen it sounded like a relatively corny Radiohead mixed with the Cure imitation.
But mildly irritating, sissy and tortured-by-the-universe lead vocals aside, the album possesses a wide and dynamic range of highly interesting instrumentation. It even has a trumpet solo.
Still, there's something not quite right about this. Some unknown variable lurks in the back of my mind. It's hard to explain. I hate it one minute, then like it the next. It's like that cute puppy that growls at you the first time you enter its domain, then comes up and wags its tail, and you think, "Aw, what a cute puppy." Then it bites your hand, and you spend the next eight hours getting your hand amputated because it gave you gangrene.
I don't know if this analogy works, but it's all I've got.
On second thought, this album screams Coldplay to me. I have gone to great lengths to avoid listening to Coldplay, but a primal fear keeps nagging me - I think.
Yes, there is definitely some base emotion of hate going on here. We're going to go with, "I hate this album." A pox on Muse.
If you like this, you might also enjoy:
Broken Boy Soldiers - Raconteurs
Eyes Open - Snow Patrol
The Eraser - Thom Yorke
