Healing process begins after student's suicide

Sarah said Eddy didn't seem like the type of person who would commit suicide.

"He wasn't the person who was depressed or would take a drastic action ever," said Sarah, a former girlfriend of Eddy's.

Eddy was a UNM student who took his own life in July.

Sarah and Eddy are pseudonyms.

It has been only three months, but she wanted to talk about the incident to help others in the same situation.

"You never think it will happen to you," she said. "Any sign or remark needs to be taken seriously."

Eddy and Sarah began dating in February 2003. They worked together and became friends. She said their relationship was strong for 10 months. Sarah said after their first breakup in December, their relationship struggled.

In April, they broke up again, but she said Eddy would still call her on occasion.

In July, he wanted to get back together.

"He decided he had made the biggest mistake," she said.

Eddy had wanted the breakup in April. Sarah told him she couldn't do it again.

She said he never seemed depressed.

"He just lost it," she said. "He was begging me, calling me all the time, leaving me notes, trying to convince me."

She said Eddy threatened to commit suicide three times.

"He said if he didn't have me, he didn't have anything to live for," she said.

But each time, she was able to talk him out of it, and he said he didn't mean it.

"I though they were empty threats," she said. "I thought he was trying to manipulate me."

The night before he committed suicide, she said he threatened to take his life. She said she started yelling at him, saying that was the stupidest thing he could do. After 30 to 40 minutes, Sarah said Eddy agreed with her.

The night he committed suicide, Sarah said he called and asked if she was seeing someone else, although he already knew the answer. She was.

She said he flipped out, but by the end of their conversation, he once again told her she was right.

"I took him seriously every time," she said.

She knew he had a gun, because she said she could hear him playing with it the night before it happened. She said looking back, a part of her wishes she had gone to him. But she said many of her friends are surprised when she tells them this, because he could have easily taken her life also.

She said she was comatose for three weeks after it happened.

"I've thrown myself into doing what I have to do," she said. "I distract myself."

She said the incident taught her not to take every day for granted and made her want to help other people.

But for now, Sarah said she is trying to keep up with school and work.

"I have to heal myself before I help other people," she said.

The hard part is that nobody knew, she said.

"He didn't exhibit the normal warning signs," she said. "Everybody's blaming themselves. Me, I feel it's my fault, but I can't. It was his choice."

Help hotlines

National suicide hotline

1-800-SUICIDE

Agora Crisis Center

277-3013

agora@unm.edu

UNM Counseling and Therapy Services

277-4537

UNM Psychiatric Center

by referral:

272-4763