by Dustin Habermann
Daily Lobo Guest Columnist
In response to France's betrayal of our war on Iraq, legislation has come up to change the name of "french fries" to "freedom fries." In my humble opinion, this is just what our country needs to help boost morale for the war.
But why stop there? Indonesia, for example, hasn't given the United States its unconditional support for our war so why should we let one of their dirty words stay in the American vernacular? I refer, of course, to the french fry's partner in crime in the axis of side dishes: ketchup. Ketchup or catsup is derived from the Indonesian kecap, which refers to America's favorite sauce of Southeast Asian origin.
Removing this cursed word from our vernacular will send the perfect message to those ungrateful Indonesians. Don't they know that protecting our freedom vicariously protects them as well? I suggest we call our beloved sauce something like "freedom sauce" or the "blood of the patriot sauce;" something that reminds American consumers of the prices and sacrifices we must pay to insure our freedoms against tyranny.
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And what about Germany? Germany isn't exactly giving the United States the support we need in this war. Just like the Indonesians, they fail to recognize that our fight is their fight. Thus, similar action must take place against their alien food commodity: the hamburger. The hamburger originally derives its name from its Germanic city of origin: Hamburg. No one can deny the so-called "hamburger" is the most powerful element in the axis of fast food. Changing this word into something that will remind Americans about the price of freedom such as "freedom meat" or "body of the patriot" will send the message we urgently need to send.
Fellow Americans and freedom lovers, let us stand together against the anti-American fast food powers that provide lunch for our brothers and sisters. Blessed will be the day where our children can walk into a McDonalds and say: "I want the freedom meat burger with cheese Happy Meal and freedom fries. Oh, and can I get some extra blood of the patriot sauce?"
Together, we can win. Let's roll!
Dustin Habermann is a Daily Lobo culture columnist and reporter.
