Documentary Deathmatch: "Bowling for Columbine" vs. "The Trials of Henry Kissinger"
Both make you want to raise your angry fist against the man keeping you down but which is the better date movie? The Daily Lobo decides in a eight-round battle to the death.
"The Trials of Henry Kissinger"
Thesis:
Kissinger is guilty of the deaths of thousands of Timorese, Cambodian and Chilean deaths and should be treated as a war criminal.
Mass Death Factor:
East Timor + Chile + Cambodia + Laos + Bangladesh + The last four years of the Vietnam war = a total of some estimates equaling over 2.5 million
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Is the Thesis Correct?
Hutchins just about nails this one.
Documenter's Hardcore Background:
Hutchins wrote a book about why Mother Teresa sucks.
Entertainment Factor:
If you enjoy British people talking about past American foreign policy your name is Tony Blair.
Prerequisites for Viewing:
Western Civ. 101, and 201, a general knowledge of the Cold War, a tape-recorder and good note-taking abilities.
Sex Appeal:
With two exceptions, everyone in this movie is a pasty-white, overweight, old male. But I'm not saying that doesn't turn me on.
"Bowling for Columbine"
White Americans are afraid of everything due to a violent news media and kill each other each year by the thousands.
Winner: Draw.
250,000 in the last 20 years
Winner: Kissinger
Kind of. Americans do spend lots of time killing each other but Moore spends time only examining wealthy, industrialized nations and glosses over the poverty issue.
Winner: Kissinger
Moore wrote, produced and directed an award-winning documentary on why GM sucks.
Winner: Kissinger
Funny as hell. The South Park history of the US alone is worth the price of admission.
Winner: Columbine
A sense of irony.
Winner: Columbine.
Michael Moore don't really got it goin' on, but there are a couple shots of girls in bikinis shooting automatic weapons.
Winner: Columbine, but barely
General Form:
Way jumpy. You think it's over after each
nation is examined but the atrocities just keep coming.
Chances to Get Date to Put Out:
S/he says: "Weren't those semi-nude photos of Kissinger and various scenes of genocidal outbreaks in small nations kind of hot?" Suggestion: run away.
Moore loops his thesis through everything from cartoons to an interview with Marilyn Manson. It's hard not to get the point or see any narrative breaks besides the occasional tangential departure.
Winner: Columbine
You say: "Baby, as Americans we have a statistically higher chance of being murdered by a gun so we got to live in the now. Y'know what I'm sayin'?"
Winner: Columbine
At an overwhelming 5-3 Moore caps Kissinger's sorry ass. Our appalling foreign policy and overwhelming cultural narcissism rules!
