by Richard M. Berthold
Daily Lobo Columnist
The Cheney-Bush Administration Lexicon:
African-American (Black): a Negro.
Air Force: diplomatic instrument for imposing peace.
Get content from The Daily Lobo delivered to your inbox
Ally: any country that does what we say and Israel.
Ariel Sharon: a) a man of peace; b) an advertisement for Jenny Craig.
Axis of evil: the American Civil Liberties Union, the National Organization of Women and the People for the American Way
Campaign finance: the system by which politicians are purchased.
Campaign finance reform: an attempt to undermine the American democratic system.
Congress: Constitutionally mandated body that supports whatever the President does.
Constitution: an increasingly obsolete document that undermines national security.
Cuba: the world's most oppressive state and a serious threat to America.
Cubans: an ethnic minority living in south Florida.
Election: tedious window-dressing necessary to wield political power in America.
Ethics: a topic discussed by intellectuals and professors.
Ethnic minority: Cubans.
European Union: anti-American organization of European states.
Evidence: any statement or claim made by a member of the administration.
Free election: any election that selects officials friendly to America.
First Amendment: a Constitutional loophole that encourages treason.
Free speech: the fundamental right to agree with the government.
Gay: a) a state of being happy; b) an abomination before God; c) anti-American.
Hispanic: a) a Mexican; b) people taking over Texas.
Intellectual: a traitor.
Islam: the religion of ragheads.
Israel: a) an annoying ally; b) a Middle Eastern country with fewer ragheads; c) a possible model for America's dealings with the world.
Jerry Falwell: a) the chaplain of the Republican Party; b) a liberal balance to John Ashcroft.
Liberal: a traitor.
Nation building: what Europeans do in a country after America bombs it.
National debate: any discussion of foreign policy carried on in the White House or the Pentagon.
NATO: a mechanism facilitating American interference in European affairs.
OAS: a mechanism facilitating American interference in Latin American affairs.
Palestine: a) territory that belongs to Israel; b) a Middle Eastern country with the worst possible ragheads.
Patriot Act: legislation designed to insure that America speaks with a single voice, that of the President.
Privatization: a mechanism facilitating the transfer of public monies to the business community.
Professor: an educated traitor.
Progress towards democracy: an attribute of any dictator friendly to America.
Protestant Christianity: the true faith and the religion of civilized people.
Rogue state: any country that does not do what we say.
Saddam Hussein: a) a former ally; b) the anti-Christ.
Saudi Arabia: a Middle Eastern country with oil and good ragheads.
Second Amendment: a) the Constitutional guarantee of a citizen's right to own personal nuclear weapons; b) a secular humanist assault on Christian America.
Strategic Defense Initiative (Star Wars): a) a legacy of St. Reagan; b) a mechanism insuring that Boeing and Lockheed receive their fair share.
Third world: everywhere outside the United States.
UNESCO: an abortion mill.
United Nations: a) a mechanism hindering American efforts for peace around the world; b) a mechanism facilitating American efforts for peace around the world.
University: a place where traitors and potential terrorists hang out.
Weapons of mass destruction: any weaponry thought to be possessed by Saddam Hussein or any other designated enemy of America.
World Health Organization: an abortion mill.
Yasser Arafat: the anti-Christ were it not for Saddam Hussein.
(This column most definitely should not be understood to imply any regard for the Democratic Party or liberals in general.)
