by Richard M. Berthold
Daily Lobo Columnist
Clearly, the most significant event at UNM this year was the termination of basketball coach Fran Fraschilla. Consequently, it seems appropriate to recount responses of leaders in New Mexico and around the world to this staggering development.
Rocky Long (UNM football coach): “Hey, Fran, I’m still here!”
Osama bin Laden (terrorism specialist): “Basketball is Satan’s game.”
Rob Burpo (State legislator and silly person): “I’m preparing a bill that would cut off all funding to the University until proper emphasis is placed on the basketball program.”
Donald Rumsfeld (U.S. Secretary of Defense): “You know I can’t answer that. It would put American troops at risk.”
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Monica Cyrino (UNM classics professor): “Well, of course! Did you see the way he dressed?”
Jerry Falwell (anti-Christ): “Driven out by a conspiracy of liberals, feminists and abortionists!”
Rudy Davalos (UNM athletics director): “Man proposes, Davalos disposes.”
Ariel Sharon (Israeli prime minister and war criminal): “We will pull our forces out of The Pit once Fraschilla’s terrorist infrastructure is destroyed.”
William Fuller (State legislator and patriot): “Say, is Fraschilla an American name?”
William Gordon (UNM president): “We are firmly committed to the principles of free athletic expression in the pursuit of sporting goals within an intercollegiate environment, but of course support, without reservations, the professionalism inherent in behaviors appropriate to the campus community.”
John Ashcroft (U.S. Attorney General): “Basketball is Satan’s game.”
John Geissman (UNM Faculty Senate president): “Quick, call Scholes Hall and find out what I’m supposed to say.”
George W. Bush (U.S. president): “I’m happy to see our Mexican neighbors take up this great American sport.”
Larry Ahrens (local talk radio host and unprincipled person): “He’s probably a communist. How about it, listeners, shall we beat him up?”
Richard Berthold (UNM history professor): Before 9/11: “Anybody who blows up The Pit gets my vote.” After 9/11: “Any action taken by the athletics director or any other UNM administrator can only be the correct and patriotic thing to do.”
Al Gore (former U.S. vice president): “I invented basketball.”
Vladimir Putin (Russian Commonwealth president): “Is moose or squirrel?”
Gary Johnson (New Mexico governor): “There’s a university in Albuquerque?!”
Jeremy Reynolds (caring/intolerant Christian): “He needs to find God!”
Brad Allison (former APS superintendent): “He needs a drink!”
Don Schrader (local colorful character): “He needs hot sex with men!”
Mrs. Fran Fraschilla (wife): “He needs another job!”
