Thursday, with much fanfare and pageantry, the UNM Music Department announced the creation of a new degree concentration - Boy Band-ology.
Entering to a backdrop of computerized "Vari-lites" and exploding flash pots, Music Department head Chris Shultis strode cockily to the podium to announce the creation of the new degree tract. The gathered audience of teenaged girls screamed their approval at first, but were disappointed when it was announced that guest speaker Justin Timberlake had cancelled due to his recent break-up with Britney Spears.
However, the crowd cheered when it was announced that he and his N'SYNC mates would be debuting the hit single at UNM this fall. Timberlake is reportedly working feverishly on the single, which he is describing to actual songwriters and lyricists in Los Angeles. He's also reportedly instructing N'SYNC's musical directors to come up with a new sound that will combine Irish jigs with a '70s Blacksploitation soul sound inspired by movies like "Black Mama, White Mama."
The new discipline will include training in lip syncing, hip-hop-flavored dance moves, R&B-influenced emotion, how to date immensely popular "virginal" pop stars and creative facial hair design.
Chris Shultis said the creation of the new degree was in response to numerous undergraduate requests - mainly from residents of the second and third floors of Alvarado Hall, which is also known as the "Virgin Vault" by clever ne'er-do-wells on campus.
"We feel this is an exciting opportunity for UNM to get in on the ground floor of an invigorating new music form," said the denim and rhinestone decked Shultis said as he lowered his wrap-around sunglasses to the tip of his nose. "Boy bands are the cutting edge of popular music. I mean look at the Backstreet Boys. The title of their greatest hits CD says it all - 'Volume 1.' Clearly they feel they'll be around a long time and we here that UNM agree. We'll be preparing the Backstreet Boys and N'SYNC's of the future."
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Shultis said that the degree was also an opportunity for Albuquerque to make a name for itself while usurping the boy band capital of the world title from Orlando, Fla.
The move coincides with a directive from Albuquerque Mayor Martin Chavez that encourages the Albuquerque business community to welcome the Walt Disney Company in to the Albuquerque metro area.
"We feel that this degree will help us land 'The Mickey Mouse Club' by the end of the year," Chavez said. "We're also working on creating a third Disneyland, which will be called Disneylandia."
This will give us people to staff these projects as well."
UNM's Boy Band-ology curriculum will be coordinated by boy band guru Lou Pearlman. Pearlman, who put together N'SYNC and the Backstreet Boys, was recently awarded two honorary masters degrees - one from the Anderson School of Management and the other from the College of Fine Arts.
He was also recently named an assistant coach to the basketball team as well as a consultant to the athletic department's promotions department.
"It's an exciting opportunity," Pearlman said through a second party in a press release. "I look forward to going back and heading up this department. I'll be there as soon as I get my passport and work permits."
Pearlman, known for his dubious contracts with former boy band clients, will be teaching classes in music business ethics and contract writing.
Ninth-year senior Jesus "Chuy" Williams, the first student to declare Boy Band-ology as a major, said he was excited about the addition of the program.
"I used to think those bands sucked until I saw all the chicks they pulled," he said outside the Fine Arts Building Friday. "Now I can see that it's a career with a real future. If nothing else, I can make a video that teaches dance moves and sell it on late-night TV. Or I can make B-movies for teenagers. Either way, I'll score babes!"
