A lot of people today don't understand why it's so important to prosecute "victimless crimes." Don't they know that America's future hinges on punishing even the slightest deviations from the norm?
Think of the sheer volume of police and judicial manpower it must take to keep our streets safe with parking citations and speeding tickets!
Think of how many lives are saved by every bottle of beer confiscated from 14 year olds, every joint snatched from the hands of college dope heads, every cigarette smoker stopped in their tracks!
Think of all the immorality being prevented every night by police officers who take the time to chase young lovers out of deserted parking lots! Think of how much more money Metallica makes now that their songs can't be stolen off Napster!
True, it may seem that punishing things that people will never stop doing is a Sisyphean task. Combating human nature is certainly not easy, and although it may be endless, it is absolutely vital to the future of our nation.
Imagine how quickly our system would fall to ruin if we only punished serious crimes. If we allowed our nation's children to grow up believing that they can do as they please only so long as it doesn't hurt someone else, they would never learn the most important of American values - how to outsmart the authorities.
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You see, the point of pursuing these crimes with such vigor is not at all to prevent the forbidden acts from occurring. That's impossible, and everyone knows it. But, if we get out of the habit of looking over our shoulders to see if a cop might be watching, what sorry shape will we be in next time it's really important to get away with something?
It all started with the Revolutionary War, when minutemen and snipers realized the most effective way to defy authority was through speed and cleverness, not outright confrontation. We couldn't in good conscience let our populace forget that lesson, could we? What would happen next time we're invaded and have to call out the militia? How could we ever repel the British again if we're not used to outthinking men in fancy uniforms?
Furthermore, cleverness is vital to the intellectual health of a democratic public. A child who wasn't forced to hide and lie about their youthful experimentations just won't be able to recognize and appreciate subtlety and shrewdness in political candidates. They'd start voting in politicians who wouldn't be clever enough to maintain our complicated system of special interest money and back room deals.
If anything, we're not doing enough for our children's future these days. Look at all the things they get away with: playing video games, listening to loud music, riding bicycles without proper training. the list goes on and on.
Perhaps our schools' suffering test scores would show some improvement if we made it even harder for kids to obtain their pleasures easily. Make them work for every moment of "growing up" so that they never dare to do anything without making sure no one sees them doing it.
Consider the benefits to the professional world if we start regulating behavior more thoroughly. Employees won't develop the discipline to sit quietly in their cubicles and pretend to be doing their work unless they unconsciously fear they're being watched. They'll have no choice but to learn to waste time even more secretively, keeping their wits sharp for those rare occasions when something actually needs to get done.
People will be better citizens in general, because they'll be sure not to do anything they like in public. Everyone will be very polite to strangers, since they'll never know who might be an undercover agent looking for any excuse to haul them off.
Intelligence is our nation's most precious asset. A lot of the methods we use today are good - prosecuting skateboarders for trespassing comes to mind - but we need to do more. Laws that force people to really think in order to get around them. Like making it illegal for dogs to be outside. Or making it a crime to wear socks during winter.
Only when we Americans learn to take none of our freedoms for granted, will we truly be free!
by Craig A. Butler
Daily Lobo Columnist
