Dennis Montoya, attorney for UNM student Candace Majedi, today expressed his disappointment with the university's actions against Sigma Chi for its role in the Dec. 6 terrorist act against his client.
"Suspending the guilty students and the entire fraternity is a slap on the wrist," he complained. "This heinous act, which has left my client emotionally scarred for life, is only the tip of a vast racist conspiracy that extends throughout the entire fraternity system and has demonstrable contacts with various militia groups and a shadowy terrorist organization operating out of the Frontier Restaurant."
Montoya pointed out that a search of the main perpetrator's living quarters (whose name cannot be revealed until it is determined whether he is an athlete) revealed a "trove of White hate literature," including such items as Sophocles' "Oedipus Rex," Machiavelli's "Prince" and Bullock's "Hitler and Stalin."
"The reading material of a twisted mind," said Montoya, who also revealed that not a single collection of Maya Angelou's poetry was found anywhere in Sigma Chi.
President William Gordon, apparently hoping to deflect a visit by Rev. Jesse Jackson, said the University was considering further punishments, including the possible suspension of all UNM fraternities and sororities.
"Yes, collective punishment is prohibited by the Fourth Geneva Convention, but given the magnitude of the crime, it is in this instance justified," said Gordon, who added that the sororities were included to reflect UNM's commitment to gender equity.
But he also said there were problems with the Black Student Union's request that the guilty students be publicly impaled, noting that "it would be difficult to do this in a tasteful way."
The Dean of Students' office revealed that Sigma Chi was formally charged with four infractions, including "disrupting the right of others to park illegally on campus."
"As a result of this, the Sigma Chi parking lot will henceforth be limited to students demonstrating a disregard for rules and regulations," said Randy Boeglin, UNM dean of students.
Also, chewing gum and duct tape will no longer be allowed on campus without written permission from the provost.
Sigma Chi has also been ordered to develop an "anger management and diversity" plan, and according to a fraternity spokesman, work is already underway.
"Clearly our traditional anger management mechanisms - binge drinking, peeing on walls and abusing women - have not been completely successful. Spitting on white male professors has been suggested," the spokesman said.
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He also said the diversity plan was coming along well.
"We will definitely be including other species in our next pledge class," he said. "Dogs and cats will certainly be in. We are considering education majors and pre-law students, but many of the brothers object to going that low on the food chain."
Meanwhile, provost Brian Foster has indicated that, because "a certain faculty member with suspicious Balkan origins" was engaged in a written campaign of lies and hate, a special committee was being formed to screen future faculty publications. The committee, which would include representatives from all segments of the University (excepting faculty, staff and students), would work to create a campus environment conducive to dialogue and free expression by carefully and politely censuring the speech of those "who insist on abusing the First Amendment by constantly criticizing and embarrassing the university."
Foster's office will also be investigating departments that seem to put an excessive emphasis on whites, such as History, English and Classics.
In a related story, El Centro de la Raza has complained that, because of this affair, the university and media have completely forgotten about the even vaster racist conspiracies directed against Hispanics.
"Look at the recent attacks on long time Hispanic legislators in Santa Fe and tell me there's nothing fishy going on," said Director Veronica Mendez-Cruz.
Sources indicate that Vice President for Student Affairs Eliseo Torres has promised El Centro at least half the floor space when the new SUB is completed. Rumors that the group plans to change its name to El Centro de la Raza Mas Macho could not be confirmed.
